When I was 15 years old I was so excited to get my drivers permit! I couldn't wait to have the freedom to get into my car and go. Go everywhere! On the way home from passing my permit test, Mom was driving our big fat ass Thunderbird brown car home. Man that thing was fugly but baby it hauled ass!
We got to the back country roads on our way home from the DMV. The roads were quiet, long and straight with very few cars. This was my chance. She handed me the keys and we switched seats. I was now in the driver seat and in ultimate control of… the… universe… Or so I thought. This car was big and fast with some sort of V-8 engine in it. Of course my mom and I being the people that we are, fell into glorious absurd laughter. All of the sudden I was doing between 85 and 90 miles an hour. We were giggling so profusely that it was all I could do the pull over the Thunderbird beast just after driving one mile. We switched seats. It was hilarious, we were laughing so hard we were crying. One of my favorite memories.
So then came drivers ed. Which of course completely sucked for this 15 year old. There is nothing more humiliating then some little blue put put car with a neon yellow trifecta sign on the top that read, “STUDENT DRIVER & DOSEN’T KNOW SHIT” Blink. Blink. Blinkity blink. The little blue put put rolled right up in front of my high school.
I. Was. Mortified!
My mom was excited. My driving instructor was an old math teacher of hers that we will call Mr. G. Given that information I believe he was about 105 years old when he pulled up in front of my school in the little blue put put. Mr. G had a great and long standing reputation around town for being a sold drivers ed teacher. He was the “get.” The one driving instructor that everyone wanted. Great news! We got him and he’s all mine ladies.
My first class began on an afternoon right after school. The little blue put put pulled up with the blinking yellow sign directly in front of good ole North Salem High School. My friends stared and clapped as I made the very long walk of adolescent embarrassment to the car. There I met Mr. G for the first time.
The ole guy seemed nice enough. Mr. G was an overly smiley old guy that was way to excited about getting into the car with an inexperienced driver. There was something that made me uneasy but I never liked to be around men by myself.
For two very long and very awkward hours in the little put put was painful and exhausting.. By the time I got home I stormed out of the car, slammed the door charged towards the house and bypassed my mother just as quick as I could. She was standing there smiling happily in the driveway awaiting to hear how things went with her first born and a coming of age experience. I was not happy girl. I felt so an easy that I can barely handle myself from exploding. I may have even be a bit belligerent. I couldn't put my finger on it. There was no one thing, I just couldn't get out of that damn car fast enough. AND, away from that man.
Mom said and I had to go again. We needed it for the insurance discount, it was good drivers training not to mention that it would get me ready to pass my drivers license testing. All reasons. Smart reasoning, good reasoning but the bottom line was I still didn't feel comfortable. Being the 15-year-old awkward adolescent head strong girl, I couldn’t speak into words my experience of what had happened in that car. Back then all I knew was my “gut instinct” and tummy was not happy.
Lesson number two. Here we go again in the little blue put put.
Driving around town I learned all about the safety do's and don'ts what the double railroad tracks mean, my genuineness parallel parking, and the safe law of the land.
We were on State Street heading east with my little chub a dub hands at 10 and 2 on the steering wheel. I'm not sure exactly what happened but all of a sudden Mr. G. slammed on the his side of the brakes, fancy passenger brakes for idiot drivers. Which I was not. Mr. G slammed on the brakes, grabbed my right hand at the 2 o’clock position “to correct my driving.” We were going in the straight line and nothing much had happened. I was like what the fuck?
I was pissed! The moment he set his hand on top of mine I instantly was overcome by the feeling to scream bloody fiery profanities. To fight, kick and beat the shit out of him. I wanted to get out of that car as fast as I could. My body was in fumes of volcanic rage andI wasn't sure where this uncontrollable urge of violence and chaos came over me. I was about to blow up and I was stuck. Don’t be over dramatic Stephanie. Be a good girl Stephanie. Don’t miss behave Stephanie. ALLLL those things that I had been taught and learned over my 15 yrs in this human life, I was trying to succumb to “good girl teachings” and “do the right thing.”
My body was shaking. There was so much sweat on my face it began to run down and merge with the tears on my cherry red cheeks. About 6 miles later we finally made it home and pulled into the drive. There once again was my sweet, loyal mama was standing there waiting to see how my driving lesson went. One look at me she knew the answer.
I stormed out of the car, slammed the door as hard as I possibly could, screamed that I was never getting into that car again and flew into the house.
Mr. G giggled and said to my mom, “we had a bit of a hard time today.” He then sheepishly got into the drivers seat and drove off.
The little 15 year old girl inside of me was overcome by frustration, chaos and emotions that I couldn’t understand or explain. Until now.
Fast forward three years to college. My freshman year and Oregon State University was one of my favorite moments. It was a time of celebrating my freedom, my independence and getting to do everything that I wanted on my own accord. I experienced all that I could. Being in the arts was inspiring and filled my feminine divine in such magnificence.
As I was toodling around my dorm room one afternoon the phone rang. It was my little mama giving me a call. When I left for college my mom and I had truly become close and I loved where our relationship was during that time. She wanted to let me know something. I held the phone intently to my ear as I was paying such close attention and hanging on her every word. She went on to inform me that Mr. G had been charged with 19 counts of sexual molestation. My heart fell into my stomach as I knew. I didn’t know how I knew, but I knew he was not a good person.
She asked me if he had ever done anything inappropriate to me, which the answer was no. I didn’t like that he had touched my hand while I was driving but other than that I was fine. Well other than the fact of surviving high school humiliation of little blue put put cars and neon flashing signs.
I knew then that I was an empath. Most everyone is and it is all about learning the language. Mother’s intuition? It all comes from the same place of knowing, divine source.
So when you child tells you that they have a tummy ache, more often then not they ar picking up on negative energy. Message me if you would like me to explain how to help children protect themselves energetically and rid themselves of negative energy that they may have picked up.
Still to this day I love being able didn't get into my Betty White Chevy Tahoe grab my spirit dog Shae and bounce. It is one of the best feelings of freedom to go! Go everywhere!
LOVE & LIGHT baby! - Stephanie
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