My Secret

My Secret.

 The secret I have kept my entire life, and now it is time to allow myself to be open and vulnerable as I trust and have immaculate faith in the universe.

Coming out of the proverbial Woo Woo Closet is not easy. Some of you may already understand this, for example my extraordinary Soul Family. Others of you may be like, ’What the fuck is Steph talking about?’ Insert raised eye brow here. 

This isn’t the closet where all the cool gay kids have been hanging out in before their stunning debut of their authentic true selves or the closet of the luscious lesbians and other beautiful LGBTQ beings. This is my closet. Its a closet filled with secrets, cover ups and fake stories to what feels like a completely separate life that I have hidden since I was 14 years old.

I am an Intuitive Medium. I channel spirit to help others connect with their loved ones on the other side. Yes I talk to dead people and have for most of my life. I am here now to claim and honor my true self as I openly begin to practice in my Mediumship. To be of service to others and most importantly to myself. Before we can accept, heal and honor others we have to do that within the soul of our own being and I am here to do that now!

This may not seem or feel like much to some, as my Soul Family already knows this about me. But letting folks know that for the past 45 years of my life that I speak to spirit, has not been the easiest thing to bring up. Especially when I am already the tie die sheep of the biological family. Hahahahahhahaaaaaaaa! The great thing is that I have lived fully through the hurt and pain and now that my heart is truly healed I can see with divine clarity that we all come from an extraordinary source of love. Pure love. Unviversal love. 

So why have I hidden this secret for so long? Let me share with you what I have literally just learned yesterday from one of my extraordinary healers.

Being a magnificent, strong and now healed sexual assault survivor, I have learned that there comes many levels of healing. That 80% of children that are sexual assault survivors, will experience assault again as adults. Unfortunately I fell under that statistic as well when I was raped 11 years ago. The stories of what I have felt and heard about myself have been paralyzing to my heart. Why am I not good enough? Why does this keep happening to me? Was I not worth enough to protect and kept safe? Was I not lovable enough for you to stand up to me? The stories go on. The lies go on, especially the ones to protect myself as I didn’t have faith or “proof” that I was loved, safe and protected. At least I didn’t feel that way on a deep true level. 

As one works through the layers of healing it has taken much time for my heart to once again feel that love. My heart has been a dried seed for as long as I can remember and I have not lived in my truth and in the pure light of my higher consciousness. For so many years I believed that if this is what love and being vulnerable to love looked like, I wanted nothing to do with it. 

Overtime I have been doing my work. SO MUCH FUCKING WORK, that I have been able to come to the place of truly knowing, seeing and believing that I AM a fabulously flawed, beautiful and divine woman. That I do not have to believe that being a divine woman means that there has to be shaming and embarrassment of my femininity. Much of which I have felt all my life. It saddens me to think about this but it also empowers me to be in a place of strength and a wonderful empowerment to help others on their healing path. I am of service to you my beautiful divine humans. Most importantly I am of service and infinite love, honor and respect to myself.

So how does this connect with being open to channeling spirt?  

After all of our life preparation, now begins the practice of yoga. Yoga is the practice of integration, processing and then liberation. When we become liberated in our truth, acceptance and healing we now can begin to truly be of service to others. How does one know when I am “cured?” Illness = I and Wellness = We. When I got to the place of WE, knowing that WE are all ONE, that WE are ALL connected, I knew that I was healed on a soul level. 

You see to me, being of service and being of love was all twisted in my mind and my heart. Love showed up in my life as distrust, anger and venomous words and actions. When I allowed myself to be open and vulnerable to this “love” I have been hurt physically and emotionally to such extreme proportions that giving up on this life felt so much easier than living in the pain.

The thing is I am way too stubborn to give up! I’ve always rallied around the underdog and now this underdog was me. 

Though the work with my teachers, mentors, counselors, yogis and Soul Family I am now in a place of divine love and acceptance, divine love and vulnerability, and divine love and faith. To connect with spirit our chakras have to align, open and at times be vulnerable. This is how I channel and connect with spirit. I now have the faith in the universe that I am safe and loved and it is time to do the work. 

I want to thank my MANY mentors, teachers and Soul Family for teaching me, supporting me and loving me for exactly who I am. A HUGE thank you to my first intuitive Sylvia Brown. Your books and lectures helped me to understand the language. I want to also thank Laurie McQuary, Chip Coffey, Kim Russo, Theresa Caputo, Melannie Lovell, Ticia Nelson, Cole Nelson, Amy & Conan Doherty, Sharon Page, Karen, David & Charlotte Stowe, and my Divine Grandmothers who knew of my gift and gave me a safe place to share it. Alexander Lewis, Sonia Choquette, Bernadette Hartman, Carly Belle, Carin Cundey, Bridget Evans, Kristan Tone, Linda Taylor, Michelle Edwards, Kylee Pederson, Kim Hernandez, Corrie Bernard, Suzy Aragon, Tami Taylor, Suzie Newcome, Nancy Lumpkin, Brandy Berlin, Laura Purdy, Kosho Finch, Annette Madison, Jennifer Andrews, Ilana Bach, Susan Weisberger, ALL my beautiful yogis, My Shaman, My Sages, My Mentors, My Teachers in life and ALLLL the rest of the divine souls as you know who you are I thank you beyond the stars and back to this 3rd dimensional life. Gratitude and Blessing!

LOVE and LIGHT baby! Stephanie